"For we are powerless against this great horde that is coming against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you." 2 Chronicles 20:12
Matt and I have been faced with the daunting task of filling out the very heart wrenching form known as the "Adoption Health-Checklist." I felt compelled to blog about this part, because it is one of many not so glamorous aspects of adoption, that we are really struggling with. If we were to have biological children, and our child was born with a cleft palate, club foot, or even Down Syndrome.. we would love and cherish them in-spite of those imperfections, and probably even more because of them. At the same time, Matt and I don't necessarily feel that we have been called to care for a "special needs" child at this time. There is a separate program within our agency that is designated for special needs children. We keep reminding ourselves, that everyone has a specific calling and although it may not be ours, there are other couples out there who adopt with those specifics in mind.
Dealing with the weight of these questions to mark "accept" or "not accept", leaves my heart feeling disheartened and powerless to make such a decision. When I decided to blog about this, I was hoping to have a clear answer from God, some divinely appointed advice to make the decision easy. Well, that didn't happen.. at least not as of yet. After much prayer with Matt, and speaking to God this morning and meditating on his Word, here's what I do know:
The greatest and most comforting reality.. no matter what we put on this form, is that God is sovereign and has already chosen our child for us.
Nothing we put on that form can thwart his way or plans for us, as we are not in control of any of this. And as we have said from the beginning, we do not have any of the emotional or financial resources for this adoption. Without him, we are helpless to fulfill this calling. John Piper said, "that God does not lead us to something, that he won't provide for." Our God is not a God to orchestrate plans and then simply say, "see ya at the end, good luck!" He goes before us each step of the way. "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8
This road of adoption is a challenging one. But anything rewarding or worth having, is never an easy road. (Matthew 7:13-14) We know that God will not simply remove the difficulties, but we know that he will grant his grace to get through it. He doesn't lift hardships.. but he does part the way in between.
I want to close with a quote by Jon Bloom from his title Not By Sight, (chapter 13 "Do Not Be Afraid" Jehoshaphat and Fear) :
"The reason God orchestrated Jehoshaphat's predicament is the same as his design in the tribulations and crises in our lives; He wants us to increasingly find freedom from fear. You see, real freedom is not liberty to do what we want or the absence of distress. Real freedom is the deep-seated confidence that God really will provide everything we need. The person who believes this is the freest of all persons on earth, because no matter what situation he finds himself in, he has nothing in fear. But the only way for sinners like us, with a bent toward unbelief in God, to find this kind of freedom is by experiencing repeatedly God's delivering power and his faithfulness. That's why we are "to count it all joy... when we meet trials of various kinds" (James 1:2). These trails are making us free."
We do not need to be afraid of any hurdle throughout this adoption process, we need only to trust that He will go before us and grant wisdom each step of the way.